Dearest Mama and Papa,

What can I say? I am empty, bitter, angry and desperately lost with nothing but
war, violence and more war around me. I just don't believe that it was meant to
be this cruel and senseless - that anyone could possibly get near to Persh to take
his life. What a (expletive) total waste.

Why? I was on watch on the bridge when the executive officer came over and
asked me if I had a friend called Pershing. I knew immediately it was all over
but even when I read the telegram it took moments to sink in.

Then I just walked off the bridge and cried - a pathetic and very empty kind of
crying that turned into anger and bitterness. I have never felt so void of feeling
before - so numb. My God, I feel sorry for Shirley, Guy and for Kitty. I just
feel so sorry for the whole thing. I am glad that you wrote Mrs. Pershing - I
know that it will mean a lot to her and it was warming for me to know that you
did.

With the loss of Persh, something has gone out of me - he was so much a part
of my life in the irreplaceable incomparable moments of love, concern, anger
and compassion exchanged in Bones that can never be replaced - never be
satisfied in memory form. Persh was an unbelievable spark in all of us, and
we took for granted that we would always be together - go crashing through
life in our unconquerable fashion as one entity. Now that is gone in one
incomprehensible moment.

Time will never heal this - it may alleviate - but it will never heal. If I do nothing
more, and if I convince Dingi and the others to do nothing more, it will be to give
every effort we can to somehow make this a better world to live in and to end
once and for all this willingness to expend ourselves in this stupid endless
self-destruction.

Pershs' loss will not - and I don't know why - but it will not alter my faith, rather
strengthen my conviction - it's a loss of another kind that teaches you so much it
would be trite to even put it on paper. I just can't [get] the picture of the funeral
service out of my mind: Judy wrote me of the eleven walking out in front of the
casket. Three military missing - Freddy, Dingi and I, all due to the military and
then Persh.

There is a lot more to say but I really don't want to write about it - I just don't
have it in me. I will write again in a few days. I hope. Take care and God Bless.
I am thinking of you all.

Much Love,
John