Why Chemistry is not the Basis of Long-term Relationship Success and which 5 Key Personality Traits if You Want Your Relationship to Last.
by Bart A Baggett
For centuries, our ancestors have soiled otherwise wonderful relationships with little mistakes, anger, silly arguments, and ill-advised words or compulsions. With hundreds of years of psychology and books to glean from… we still make the same errors today.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a simple “map” to keep a harmonious relationship strong and avoid the toxic ones where there is simply no way to keep the peace?
In this article, we will touch on the key elements of the core compatibility issues which quickly destroy a good relationship and can be the key to choosing an “easy” love affair by avoiding the key traits that push your buttons and turn you into someone you don’t want to be.
The overall happiness and duration of all relationships generally depend on the level of compatibility two individuals share. Compatibility is defined as follows:
The state of being compatible; in which two or more things are able to exist or work together in combination without problems or conflict.
So, the less conflict you have… the more you are compatible. But, with no “push or pull” or challenge, you will often become bored or restless. That is another interesting issue you have to manage.
The answer lies with the ability to get your values met (adventure, surprise, delight, passion, and safety) from all areas of your life and refrain from depending on your partner for EVERY need and value you desire.
However, you might often find yourself often attracted to someone who is completely opposite in masculine and feminine energy, different core values, different emotional expressiveness, different esteem, and even different sexual preferences or fetishes. Getting sexually attracted to people who are exactly our opposites is sometimes like a magnet. Opposites attract. This is the paradox we have to balance.
“Opposites Attract Easily, But Don’t Stick Easily” – Bart Baggett, Handwriting Analysis Secrets to Finding Fulfilling & Loving Relationship
It’s fine line between the ying and yang of having opposite energies but compatible personality types. Let’s face it… there isn’t much art in a Tango if you have two people attempting to lead. One must lead, one must follow.
We often tend to misinterpret this attraction to be love, commitment and a lot more of those romantic ideas formed in the minds of millions of children by watching Disney movies. There is a term for that “Disneyitis”. Yep, it’s a real term. Most commonly used to describe a woman who is driven for the perfect man to sweep her off her feet, have the perfect woman, and live happily ever after. But, yes… modern men hold this relationship “frame” as well. The problem with the metaphor is the man has to be a super masculine dragon fighting prince and the woman has be somewhat helpless. Not very realistic when you are not the star of a Disney Film.
Chemistry is a Legal Drug that Leads us to Poor Decisions
You may be attracted to opposite physical attributes, opposite gender, social aptitude and so on. Such kind of “instant chemistry” relationships cause a quick spark in the beginning and the chemicals in your brain demand copulation. Dopamine is the chemical that causes such feelings. But, does it last over time.
In a brain that people love to describe as “awash with chemicals,” one chemical always seems to stand out. Dopamine: the molecule behind all our most sinful behaviors and secret cravings. Dopamine is the key ingredient in what we often called the feeling of being “in love”. Dopamine is also the cause of lust, adultery, motivation, attention, and root cause of addiction.
Once the chemical rush has burned out or passed (0-6 months), the real personalities can be seen in the sober light of morning. The average “chemical newness wears off around 3 months into a new love. This is when most romantic relationships begin to fall apart of the foundations are not set in values and personality compatibility.
One good rule is to avoid making long-term commitments (marriage)decision when you are in the middle of a dopamine high. Establish a “waiting period” before jumping in.
Here are some scientific ways to establish long-term compatibility without waiting through the six month waiting period.
If the core traits of two individuals are similar, they tend to last longer together. The fastest way to find out about core personality trait is the USA method of Handwriting Analsyis taught by Handwriting University.com
The other deep dive into compatilbility is a the concepts of Core Values and Basic Human Needs. These are not discussed in this article, but are discussed in the book The Success Secrets of the Rich & Happy. and a core part of the PRISM Life Design program and the assessments. (PrismLifeDesign.com)
The primary traits covered in the basic course can help you spot similarities between you and a potential partner. In this article, we shall put light on one core trait that will help you determine compatibility.
Primary Trait #1 : Emotional Expressiveness Through Handwriting Slant
This trait is strongly revealed in the direction your handwriting slants. We come across writers of various slants, the ones whose writing slants to the extreme left, some to the right, some who stand erect refusing to bend on either way and so on. There are deep hidden meanings to the slants of various handwritings. This is best evaluated using cursive (connected) handwriting commonly seen in signatures and letters.
If you and your partner, both slant to the right, you match will certainly be more cordial, warm and fuzzier, as the ones who slight right are more expressive of their emotions, both good and bad.
If one person in a relationship has straight up-down handwriting, the A-B slant as we call it, and the other slants to the right, we can say one is very grounded, head-over-heart and straight, whereas the counterpart very emotional. Sadly, such relationships with completely different slants don’t go a long haul.
This type of person has difficulty expressing emotions and doesn’t understand the more outgoing person’s “neediness.” In fact, the above writing is RARE. If the writing indeed slants to left, this individual has emotional damage from the past and has even more difficulty connecting to human beings on deep emotional level. He is full of fear, distrust, and relives the pain from a trauma in the past. If you are not a patient and skilled counselor… or you aren’t terribly damaged yourself… this type of writer is going to cause all kinds of trouble in your life. Avoid.
This type of person is very passionate. But, will often feel ignored or lacks “connection” because they
need more affection and verbal confirmation that the “leftward slant” is capable of giving in a natural way. So, these two slants are inherently NOT COMPATIBLE.
Over the years, the researchers at the Handwriting University International have not seen many couples with dramatically different slants having a long-term relationship past a few years. It just rarely works. The odds are against it.
For example, if you see an injured dog on the side road, the person with the handwriting slant to the right will have much more empathy and action for that dog than the person who slants up and down. These are the further reasons for conflict in the relationship, causing it to erode.
Expressing love is a major problem to the left-hand slant writer. Now imagine this person being in a relationship with someone whose writing slants to the right, is majorly expressive, and very emotional. The one on the left, on the contrary, likes to be aloof and detached.
The essentially see the world through TWO different emotional lenses. One with compassion. The other with logic. Just like a camera taking a photo of the same man. The lense makes a huge difference in perspective.
People with a backward slant (to the left) or straight up and down writing are less likely to say the words, “I love you.” They will tend to express their feelings nonverbally. Their feelings remain a little more pent up. This may cause to be a communication barrier between the two.
So, if you don’t have the same slant, you might not understand each other. You are likely to run into communication problems, and communication being the key to any relationship, having similar slants will help you speak the same language.
Primary Trait #2: Sarcasm and Hostility Traits
The use of one word or phrase that conveys two entirely different meanings. Usually used in an attempt at irony, humor, mock or to convey contempt.
“his voice, hardened by sarcasm, could not hide his resentment”
synonyms: derision, mockery, ridicule, scorn, sneering, scoffing; irony; cynicism
In 2005, Malcolm Gladwell published a fascinating book, Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking. It is just a fantastic read and one of my favorite books on social psychology. Gladwell is a psychologist and a sociologist who has researched all kinds of sociological patterns.
It is about how your intuition is really smarter than you might know.
In this book, he talks about some interesting research studies on the key indicators of long-term relationships which last more than 7 years. His results were surprising.
In one study, they monitored couples communicating about an important topic for about ten minutes. They videotaped it and measure heart rate and pulse. They examined eye movements and ran all the data through a computer.
Using his “magic formula,” he was able to successfully predict whether a couple would be together seven years from now with 85% accuracy. Yep. After just watching them for ten minutes he could predict if they would be together seven years from now.
What he noticed was that the couples who had covert hostility (sarcasm or anger) present in their conversations, when one person was more dominant than the other in a way that caused hostility, then those couples were the ones that ended up having all the negative marks on their personality report.
No matter how nice one of the members of the couple was, if the other one was hostile, angry, resentful, or even a little bit guilt-ridden, then that couple was more likely to fall into the pool of people who would end up getting divorced.
What does that teach us?
Obviously, it teaches us that if you are in a relationship with a predominant trait of hostility, anger, or annoyance…, or if one partner is uncompromising or stubborn, your chance of the relationship failing is dramatically higher than of its succeeding.
Think about that. How would you deal with that?
Most of you reading this article, you are the nice one. Most of you are reading books, learning about yourselves, self-improving. You are a good person. You want to be loved. And, you want to avoid someone who is secretly going to leave, cheat on you, or somehow be hostile.
The primary handwriting traits that reveal Hostility are as follows:
Aggressiveness or Argumentativeness (Same stroke/ different zone)
If you are not trained to spot these traits, watch our free Introduction to Handwriting Analysis Webinar which features many of the traits listed above or purchase the 101 or 301 home study course and master them through video and home study textbooks.
The Secret To Attracting Someone with No Hostility
The logical step is simply to AVOID dating anyone with excessive hostility. That’s the logical way.
The more “self-evolved” way to see it might be like this. You can change yourself to become more like the kind person you want to attract. You’ll attract more “good people” into your life. Like does attract like on many levels. Or, you can continue to run people away because of your own hostility issues.
You have to be analytical enough to spot the people who have hidden hostility traits and not start a relationship with them. This is difficult if CHEMISTRY is strong.
Stop yourself from falling in love with them and stop yourself from dating them right from the beginning. Yes, it’s okay to ask for a handwriting sample on the first date. In fact, most people will glady want to participate and will be eager to gain some insight. If you are accurate, it can be a deeply bonding experience. If you are not certified and make rookie mistakes… it will seem like a parlor trick and nobody will be impressed. Do not approach is lightly… get trained and be accurate. Your relationship might depend on it.
People adore people who “understand them”. Handwriting analysis on the first date can be a deeply bonding experience, when done well.
That’s vital to a good relationship.
The key to a good relationship is similarity and compatibility in personality traits.
The key to a long relationship is finding people without negative traits.
The most important aspect of a long-term relationship relates to your emotional values.
Figure out what is important to you in a relationship. What are your top five values? Know what is important to you.
Then, after you’ve successfully elicited a potential mate’s core values, look at what matches up (assuming that their handwriting does not reveal that they are a complete mess because if it does, all bets are off, and you really should not even date that person).
If you do not share at least two of the top five, then you are probably doomed.
If you find you have three of the five in common, you have a good chance.
If you have four of the top five? You have a great shot a a lasting relationship. Now, you have to learn to communicate and meet each others needs long term. It’s not going to always be easy… but you will have dealt yourself the best cards to play.
If you have five of the five, you’ve got a great chance for a solid, long-term relationship. This sort of a relationship is a hard find, trust me you, this one is for keeps.
Written by Bart Baggett. Special contributions by Nikita Watabi