Kurt Cobain the iconic lead singer of Nirvana, an alternative rock band of the 90’s, was a rock legend and was posthumously awarded the Rolling Stones. Born on February 20, 1967, Kurt had a difficult childhood due to his parents’ troubled marriage and separation that followed.
This instigated him to find recluse in drugs and have a rebellious nature. However, Kurt was also very empathetic and emotional, he advocated for the rights of women, gays and other minorities and teen misfits like him, while pouring his personal anger and frustration into Nirvana’s lyrics. His heroin addiction and inability to respond to the love of fans during live concerts instigated him to kill himself.
His body was found in his Seattle home with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to his head. Kurt was only 27 when he died and is considered among the top rock stars among the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison of the Club 27. His songs like Smell like teen spirit, Nevermind and Lithiu, etc. are timeless and continue to top the charts.
In this article, you shall find his complete suicide note and an analysis of the mental state of the writer. The note is transcribed as having said:
“This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven’t felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we’re backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn’t affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can’t fool you, any one of you. It simply isn’t fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I’m having 100% fun.
Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I’ve tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it’s not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they’re gone. I’m too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I’ve had a much better appreciation for all the people I’ve known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can’t get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone.
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There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don’t you just enjoy it? I don’t know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can’t stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I’ve become. I have it good, very good, and I’m grateful, but since the age of seven, I’ve become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I’m too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don’t have the passion anymore, and so remember, it’s better to burn out than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain Frances and Courtney, I’ll be at your alter. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!”
Bart Baggett, President of Handwriting University International has analyzed Cobain’s note as follows:
Kurt Cobain was the lead singer of Nirvana, which in the early 90’s was the number one on the chart across the globe.There is an anecdote by one of the young gymnast in 96 Olympics who was preparing for her gold medal performance, she had a walkman on before her race and was listening to Nirvana and it really put her in the state of mind that would inspire her to give her best shot.
The actual act of connecting with this type of music kind of gives a demonstration and proves how profound Kurt Cobain was and how his music moved generations. It’s sad that some of the most successful and creative people end up having real emotional problems, they can’t get it altogether.
Looking at Kurt’s handwriting, I would like to point out that it’s extremely small, of course, it’s not a suicidal sign, but you do find that people with small handwriting have more intense and focused emotions. They are also more introverted and struggle expressing their emotions in a healthy expressive way. The analogy here would be that dynamite comes in small packages. If someone is closed and their handwriting is small then their emotions that they are having are more intense, in Kurt’s case they were negative, sad, repressed emotions.
To know more about personalities with small handwriting, click here.
Depression is not a sincere illness that causes chemical imbalances in your body and is physically draining and mentally obsesses your thoughts. You can look at the entire writing and notice that it slants downhill to the right on average, especially in the first two paragraphs, that is the depression. If you look at the word depression or down, our vocabulary precisely illustrates what people feel.
Another thing important to look at his handwriting is not only the size and the whole sliding baseline is the level of the ‘t’, not everyone that’s successful has a high t bar but you do find people with high t bar having a high self-image, but Kurt does not have a high self-image because when you see the strokes of the t in words like ‘that’ in the letter, the stroke connects the t to the h, that’s very typical as writers have a good fluidity of thinking and the other t bar is very low, which indicates real struggle with your self-image, goals, ambitions etc.
If you read his letter you can understand that he is really appreciative and humbled by the fame that he has achieved, he got famous really young and fast and he is a musician an artist, he wasn’t necessarily set out to hold the dreams of youth on his shoulders. These are some of the prominent things we see from Kurt’s suicide note. Unlike, some of the other common things we see from the typical suicide notes is not only the handwriting slamming down, but sometimes it curves to the right, almost as if you were holding a piece of spaghetti at the side of the table and the writing continues to curve on the way down and that’s a very prominent sign that their end is extremely near.
In Kurt’s case, we do see a lot of negative signs like the pen pressure seems very heavy, you see a lot of crossing out, people do this when there is a constant need to over accentuate and perfect things, therefore self-critical as it wasn’t good enough the first time.
Even the capital pronoun I is very small, people with healthy ego don’t have I so small. You also see a little bit of loner quality as the Ys’ are straight down, you see printing and that, of course, means that they are not expressing their feelings, a man that prints and writes tiny all the time doesn’t express his feelings and a man who prints, writes tiny and writes heavy is really into his own self.
With that we sum up the legend’s last note.. what do you see. Leave your comments below after you login.