By Vishwas Heathcliff, India
I was never good at maths. Geometry inspired me to renounce the world and go to the woods in search of God, while Algebra always made me want to run like a zany zebra. But that hardly stops me from making a point using arithmetical examples. Here is one:
Suppose you want $10 from me to buy an underwear. I readily agree to borrow you $10. Now, calculate and find out how much money can I give you when I have none in my pocket?
Ah! I know it was easy. I just presented it in a complicated way. So, those who got the answer right and have their underwears on, can read on. (Stop your mind from going down to cross-check and concentrate here.)
You very well know the point I tried to make: You cannot give away something you do not possess. And if someone expects to get it from you, he or she will be quite disappointed. Similarly, you cannot like someone if you don’t like yourself. In other words, if your self-worth in your eyes is less, you can’t associate much value with others in any relationships.
In handwriting, a low self-image is revealed by the size of capital letters and personal pronoun I, signature and most importantly by a low t-bar (see circled letter in the picture). The low t-bar reveals the writer doesn’t have a great amount of ego strength about himself. Such a writer hardly finds good qualities in himself and is always self-critical, which degrades one’s sense of personal value. Normally, such a person has no problem being treated as a doormat. You abuse them and they will lick your feet. It may appear insane and irrational, but we do know people who behave that way, don’t we? Why would someone do that?
American graphologist Bart Baggett says, “Someone with low self-respect idolizes you for having so many things that she doesn’t possess. In the process of valuing you, she will often go out of her way to do things to make you like her. She is sweet because she wants you to approve of her. When her internal references state that she is not approved of, she looks elsewhere to find approval.”
The efforts made by an individual to gain acceptance through sweetness are often mistaken as love and affection. But nothing could be farther from the truth. It’s just a façade. It’s just a attempt to please someone in order to feel approved and accepted. But as soon as you forget to approve, the person “reacts like a rabid dog trapped in a corner. She must fight her way out. This fight usually includes biting you”.
Let me tell you the bite really hurts. And then one is left wondering where all the sweetness the person displayed profusely has vanished. Consequently, you will find yourself licking your wounds and the person who bit you will be looking for someone else who would make her feel good. And it goes on and on.
I have met many women with low self-worth. But few of them have the courage to bite and they continue to be treated like a doormat, without protest, accepting it as a way of life. In Reader’s Corner, I have analysed handwriting samples of many with this problem. Take a look.
Those who do not have this trait (low self-esteem) will forever wonder how someone can always depend on others for approval and acceptance. And people who have the trait will understand how enormously painful it is to get a “bad deal” in exchange for all the “sweetness I offered”.
This article is dedicated to those millions of “sweet” people and I have a message for them: “Stop it now. If you allow yourself to be treated as a doormat, you cannot expect to be respected at any point in time. You believe it’s “normal” for you to get ill-treatment, which you must accept in order to avoid confrontations. You tolerate a great deal of nonsense to buy peace. But you have to remember that an unconditional relationship can only exist between two people who not only like each other, but also like themselves. Raise your t-bars (see circled t-bars in the pic) and feel the change.”
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Raising the t-bar is the simplest-ever exercise to raise self-worth. It helps in many ways. First of all, it ensures you don’t take crap from anyone. Secondly, you will make calculated and firm decisions based on facts, and not under the influence of internal weaknesses. Thirdly, it will give you the power to dump those who are abusive. Most people with low self-esteem lack the power to move on because they think they might not get any better. Raising your t-bar will ensure you no longer think that way. It’s a law of nature: you stop taking nonsense and you never get nonsense. It’s a choice that you make. So make a Write Choice!
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