By Vishwas Heathcliff
Green is the colour of life. It signifies calmness, renewal, health and growth. But this lively hue becomes deathly at one place — in eyes. It’s Jealousy. The nasty feeling begins to hurt and starts to ruin. It devours relationships and creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. It’s a devastating emotion and it’s difficult to deal with a jealous person. Jealousy makes the person detestable and repulsive. Like all of you, I am yet to meet a person who wants to be jealous or who wants to deal with a jealous. So what causes jealousy?
In relationships, jealousy is caused when one partner begins to see a hidden communication line between the other partner and the “secret lover”. The enigma causes the pain because the communication line is unknown. If it were known, maybe you won’t feel jealous.
Anmol was angry with his girlfriend, Devyani. He thought she was cheating on him, as he had seen her with a guy from her office a few times. “It’s time to put an end to this relationship,” he told himself before calling her to a coffee shop one day.
“I think you’re getting too friendly with Palash,” he said to Devyani.
“You want me to stop talking to my colleagues?” Devyani retorted.
“I know darn it he’s you colleague, but what project were you working on with him yesterday in the shopping mall?”
“He is a friend. Can’t I go out with him?”
“But why only Palash? There are many other guys…”
“Because we are good friends and understand each other well…”
“Wow! In that case, why don’t you go to him? He’ll understand you better, for sure,” Anmol said.
“What’s your effin problem, man? You don’t know the truth Stop being jealous…”
“Jealous? Me? My foot!” Anmol screamed and hurled a ball of crumpled paper napkin at her face before stomping out of the coffee shop. Their relationship probably ended there. If not, at least it became hurtful and irreparable.
I guess the the story sounds familiar to all of us. Although Anmol denied being jealous, we know he is. He thought there was a hidden communication line between Devyani and Palash, which made him think: “Will she find someone better than me?” “Is she going to leave me?” “Does she think I’m unattractive?”
In handwriting analysis, jealousy is reflected by a tight and small circled loop at the beginning of a letter. Such writers fear the loss of someone’s love and therefore, they become very possessive.
If a lover with poor self-image (low t-bars, small capitals) has these tiny loops, he’ll become like Anmol. He’ll always fear that if he loses this girlfriend, he won’t get someone as “good” as her.
Apparently, greed-eyed people suck. But in moderation, jealousy in sexy. Partners enjoy it because when one gets jealous, the other feels wanted. A little bit of it, I think, adds a bit of spice to our lives. But dealing with an extremely jealous or possessive person is stifling. You feel like you are being watched all the time. The fear of explaining to your partner a few minor aberrations, such as a delay in coming home, an out-of-the-turn meeting in office and a sudden get-together near your workplace, weakens all bonding and flushes out the romantic chemistry. This is where the tendency to tell lies starts flaunting its biceps and triceps. The situation gets worse if the green-eyed monster is resentful and has subconscious anger against women. In that case, he can use physical force to prevent the object of his affection from “going away” from him. In comparison, such a person will come close to a jealous husband like Nana Patekar in Agnisakshi who tortured and physically abused his wife, Manisha Koirala, because he thought she was planning to leave him.
It’s best to avoid extremely jealous people because they can really jack up your happiness. But sadly, they are unavoidable and become a part and parcel of our lives. So how does one handle jealousy? How does one deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?
Intelligent people (I’m definitely not one of them) say if you are jealous, you need to talk. You need to stop assuming and ask questions.
Imagine Anmol saying this to Devyani, “I don’t want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question. All right? Good. So, do you like Palash?”
And then hear Devyani saying, “Goodness! He just wanted to go out with us because his girlfriend had dumped him that day. I love YOU like crazy!”
Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Anmol feels much better.
But Anmol did not communicate. So, Devyani’s communication with Palash made him jealous, afraid and angry. The result: their relationship crashed.
Similarly, Devyani could have told Anmol one day: “I’m meeting this friend Palash for lunch. I want to introduce you to him. Please join us. No, in fact, you HAVE to join us.”
Sounds good and sexy, right?
Intelligent people (I reiterate, definitely not me) say communicate your feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love. Show your affection. Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because of communication, relationships can be a big success.Vishwas is an India-based handwriting analyst